I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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