I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My butt remains clenched, sir.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
