Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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