literally had 100 drinks last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
