After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
