Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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