how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
