Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
