there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
