Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
