So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
