if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize