The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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