She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
