i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
