yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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