I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
