i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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