A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
