In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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