I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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