If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
