i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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