if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
