You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
