Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize