I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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