I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
