At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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