Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
