this just has baby written all over it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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