the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
