i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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