you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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