the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
