R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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