she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
