I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
