He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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