I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
