xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
