if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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