Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can you bring me the toilet please
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
