just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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