I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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