took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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