Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
