look no pants
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
