the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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