I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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