Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
