Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
