I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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