Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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