So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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