She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
