If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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