I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
