I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
