Who wears a wallet chain?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
