you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
