His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
