he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize