She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
