some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
